2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize