my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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