I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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