I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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