I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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