i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize