can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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