Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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