i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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