The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize