I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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