you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize