Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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