So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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