the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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