So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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