I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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