So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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