barbara walters just said penis...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize