There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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