the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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