she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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