put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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