I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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