Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize