Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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