I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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