I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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