The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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