get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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