There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize