Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize