I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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