Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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