Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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