Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize