wakey wakey hands off snakey
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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