i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just gargled with NyQuil
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize