i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize