Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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