My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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