She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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