woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize