went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
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Everyone says I win the strip club
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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