wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize