she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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