Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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