a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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