So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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