I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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